Happy SSZoYNP Day!

Yes, friends... it's once again Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbors' Porch Day (or Night — your preference), one of those obscure and frivolous holidays we rootless Americans create out of festive necessity.

That said, I think the concept is solid. The zucchini (or courgette, for you Europeans) tends to hit a point of outrageous surplus right about now. Once you've already sautéed, puréed, broiled, grilled, fried and stuffed them, there's a risk of becoming bored with zucchini. Since it may be difficult to offload a stack of squash on a bewildered random citizen, "gifting" the neighbors seems like great fun.

A suggestion for would-be squash sneakers? Slip a quality recipe into that bag or basket.

In addition to the savory stuff, like ratatouilles, stews, tagines and summer succotashes, zucchinis tend to play well in sweets. Zucchini bread is a popular choice, but why not try Zucchini Blondies?

I use a variation on the recipe in Victoria Wise's Gardeners' Community Cookbook, and it's proved to be popular at my office bake sale.

Zucchini Blondies
5 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled
1 cup (packed) light brown sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 medium zucchini, peeled and grated
1/2 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
1/2 cup white chocolate chips

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease the bottom of a 9" square baking pan.
2. Mix the butter, brown sugar, egg and vanilla in a large mixing bowl, and beat together until blended.
3. Sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt into the same bowl and stir to blend. Incorporate the zucchini and nuts. The blend should be thick.
4. Spread the batter across the baking pan, and sprinkle the chips over the top.
5. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.
6. Remove, cool and slice into squares.
They'll keep for about 3 days at room temperature, or wrap individually and freeze for future snacking.

But if, like me, you lack both garden and porch (alas!), you can always soothe your great green envy with a kitchy needlecraft kit like this one, uncovered on a recent web foray. Those crazy crafters! No stone unturned. No zucchini unstitched.

However you choose to celebrate, I wish you a very happy SSZoYNP Day, and many tasty returns.

Got Gloves?

Armadillo from "Animalloys: an un-natural history series" at the NYPL

Sometimes you run across a shining gem that requires little in the way of introduction. Case in point: Tips on preparing armadillo from the Field Guide To Meat by Aliza Green.

Preparation:
1. Remove the glands from the legs and back of the armadillo, then clean and cut into serving pieces.
2. Brown in a little oil, covered, until light brown. Stir in enough flour to absorb the oil. Season as desired.
3. Add a small amount of water, barbecue sauce or chopped tomatoes. Simmer for 5-10 minutes or until fork-tender.

Note: Always use rubber gloves when handling raw armadillo, because it can carry leprosy.

A year of food, G-Cal style

It's 46°F in New York City, and I just watched a guy walk down the street in a tank top and running shorts. Nevertheless, I'm feeling some holiday spirit. (Of course, that might just be the whiskey in my eggnog.)

As my gift to all y'all, I've compiled the US Food Holidays list in an ever-available, easy-to-install Google Calendar format.

Now you'll know the appropriate day to celebrate pigs in a blanket (inexplicably, it's April 24) and the proper night to sneak zucchini onto your neighbor's porch (August 8, naturally). Together we can all puzzle over the meaning of Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day or Ice Cream and Violins Day.

A few caveats: This won't work with non-Google calendars. I've not included the national food months (too cumbersome), and I really have no way to verify the dates, so if you have quibbles about whether Lemon Cupcake Day is really on December 15 or not, I'm not sure we can really resolve the issue with complete accuracy. Therefore, take these with the proverbial grain of salt. They're just for fun.

Ready to install? Click the cute little button below, or search for "US food holidays" in your Google Calendar.

What's that on your shoulder?

that crazy crepe chef from the missginsu photostream at Flickr

This just in from J... yet more evidence that each of us is insane in his or her own special way.

It is the Way of the Web to show us all things, even things we'd never have thought to seek. In this case, it was the Wikipedia entry for former supermodel Helena Christensen (known to me as "the chick from the video for Chris Isaak's Wicked Game"), which includes this entertaining observation:

"Whenever my head is like a maze, I turn to the easy things in life, the things that mean the most to me: sex and cheese. These things are connected. Truth be told, I love all cheese: French cheese, Italian cheese, even British cheese, but Danish cheese is the greatest. I get my best nightmares after I eat Danish cheese. Actually I've seriously thought about getting a cheese tattoo. A nice Edam on my shoulder, maybe."

I'm not immune to the charms of a quality cheese, but... gosh. Victoria's Secret underwear models tattooed in cheese. It's like the embodiment of a lonely affineur's wildest cheese-cave daydreams.

Tomato + Watermelon = Friends Forever

Salad today, soup tomorrow.

During the peak season for any particular piece of produce, it's common to find that its flavor friends are also hitting a high.

Asparagus, ramps and morels in the springtime. Tomatoes, basil and cucumbers in the summer. Apples, sage and butternut squash in the autumn. Rutabaga and... well, rutabaga might be the lonely exception.

When I found a recipe for "Tomato & Watermelon Salad" from Bill Smith's delicious volume, Seasoned in the South, I was initially a bit put off. Tomatoes and watermelons? Really? Yes, really. Really good, actually.

As it turns out, tomatoes and watermelon — both in full flush at the markets right now — are also natural meal companions.

Tomato & Watermelon Salad (Serves 4-6)

5 cups ripe, bite-sized watermelon chunks, seeded as best you can, but don't go crazy
1 1/2 pounds very ripe tomatoes, finely chunked
3 teaspoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 small red onion, peeled, quartered, and thinly sliced
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/4 cup good, strong-flavored extra-virgin olive oil

Toss the melon and tomatoes with the sugar and the salt. Let sit for 15 minutes. Then fold in the onions, vinegar, and oil. Serve very cold. This salad is amazingly refreshing.

And he's right. It's fast, it's easy, it's slightly unusual and, to quote Cosmo Kramer, it's "very refreshing!"

Best of all, I found you can very easily serve up any leftovers the next day pureéed as a gazpacho.

For every four cups of leftover salad, just add a finely minced chile pepper (or less, depending on your heat tolerance) and a teaspoon or two of ground cumin. Pureé, then adjust the flavor to taste with some salt and lime juice. Stir in a small cucumber (chopped into 1/2-inch chunks) and serve with a garnish of cilantro or mint.