If I only had a brine...

Happy Pickle Day from missginsu's photos at flickr


Pickle history from missginsu's photos at flickr


Lineup for Pickles at Guss' from missginsu's photos at flickr

Why is it that we nationally celebrate Christopher Columbus (a man generally acknowledged as a less-than-stellar individual), and not the pickle?

I’m wondering, of course, because yesterday was International Pickle Day on the Lower East Side. People enjoyed informational displays, samples, cucumber-green balloons for the kids. It’s an annual celebration of all things pickled. Bread & Butters. Kim Chi. Chutneys. Sauerkraut. Oshinko. The good old kosher dill. How great is that?

Pickling is one of the oldest known methods of food preservation. Pickles have sustained and enriched people’s lives across the globe for a few thousand years. They kept folks alive on long voyages. They offered something vegetal during those long, cold winter months on the plains. They dress up salads. They brighten sushi. They’ve made the Chicago Dog a stunning ballpark snack. Do they have a big day of observance and celebration? Of course not. Pickles get a sunny afternoon on a single city block.

Columbus has parks, schools, streets, expensive statuary and a national bank holiday. As far as I know, Columbus was simply a sea-faring prospector. He reported back to the Spanish royal court about a continent that all kinds of people already knew pretty well, while simultaneously delivering disease and slavery to the people he “discovered.”

What about public displays of pickle pride? I'm all for endorsing Pickle High School, Kim Chi Circle and West Gherkin Boulevard.

Am I saying there’s direct correspondence between old Chris having a day of celebration and a sad underrepresentation in food preservation? Nope. Just want to point out the inherent lack of consistency at work in our government-sponsored observances. Why shouldn’t we link national celebrations to values that are thoroughly worthy of celebration? I also think Election Day should be a holiday, but that’s a topic for another post…

You’ll never know whether one of your great forbearers was fed and nourished with pickles, but it’s likely. You may, indeed, owe your existence in some small part, to pickles.

Pickles save lives.* Pickling evokes the technology of our ancestors. It represents thrift and good planning. And a jar of pickles humbly, eloquently symbolizes the concept of hope. Think about that the next time you twist the top on a fresh jar of pickles and hear the peppy pop. That’s the tiny, briny bang of pickled preservation... a noise I can't help but feel is worthy of pomp and fireworks.

* As an added bonus, having recently watched a very silly customer service video at work, I can assure you that pickles not only save lives, they also inspire people to treat each other with common decency (a value that, sadly, may not be not all that common.) Go on… Give ‘em the pickle.

Dear Moleskine Product Developers,

Dear Moleskine Product Developers,

I enjoy your product very much and appreciate the fine stitching, the classic design, the practical pocket (nice touch!) and the acid-free pages. I carry one of your 5.5 x 3.5 models in all my travels.

I wonder whether you'd consider incorporating more resistance to liquids in future models of your product. In particular, I'd like to see additional resiliency in the face of deluges of say, mango-flavored Ronnybrook drinkable yogurt.

Thank you very much for your time and attention,

Very sincerely,
Miss Ginsu

Your food career... a quizlet

Want to make a career out of your food obsession? If you're gleefully hoisting a fresh bunch of seasonally appropriate herbs in eager agreement, well... you're not alone.

Culinary school enrollment in the U.S. is now at an all-time high, thanks to a progressively elevated status in the media for culinary professionals (i.e. Food Network, celebrity chefs, Bravo's Top Chef, Kitchen Confidential...).

But maybe you already have a degree and you're not so sure about shelling out $60,000 for the CIA (even if it is kind of cool to say you're at the CIA), or $20-$40,000 for one of the other culinary schools. Maybe you're not so certain the fast-paced kitchen is right for you.

Luckily, there's a way to combine food and just about any other skill or interest you might have.

Here's a few simplified sample combos:

• food + chemistry = food lab microbiologist
  
• food + theater = Iron Chef producer
  
• food + programming = FreshDirect application development
  
• food + hypochondria = nutritionist
  
• food + nitpicking = cookbook editor
  
• food + horticulture = produce farmer
  
• food + drug dealing = restaurant receiving manager
  
• food + issuing monologues in empty ampitheaters = food blogger
  
• food + activism = Eric Schlosser
  
• food + sarcasm = restaurant critic (see: Frank Bruni)
  
• food + astronomy = food packaging developer/freeze-drying expert
  
• food + astrology = um... a producer for a line of chocolates designed for the various astrological signs? I don't know... Go read your chart. I'm sure it's in there somewhere.

Bottom line: There's a food niche that's just right for you.

Herein I've developed a quick and easy quizlet to help you along. Answer truthfully!

1. You're early at a party and your peeps haven't rolled in yet. You:
a. head straight for the buffet table to re-arrange the appetizers.
b. head straight for the buffet table to complain about the appetizers.
c. head straight for the drinks to invent a new cocktail.
d. head straight for the kitchen to assemble the appetizers.
e. head straight for the bar to pour something tall and neat.
f. Fake a phone emergency and ditch. First at a party? That's sooo not cool.

2. In high school, you:
a. rocked the special events committee.
b. rocked the opinions page.
c. rocked the chem lab.
d. rocked the split shift in a divey local restaurant.
e. hosted notoriously rocking parties.
f. rocked.

3. What's for dinner?
a. Whatever comes recommended from the specials board at Le Café Chic.
b. Quail confit over a savory apple-sage tart with haricots verts lyonnaise.
c. Cereal. Again.
d. Whatever they're putting up for family meal.
e. Vodka-marinated sirloin and a dirty martini.
f. Hold on a sec... Hey, mom! What's for dinner?

Mostly "a" answers?
Have you considered catering?

Mostly "b" answers?
Food critic. Specialty foods buyer. Wine snob. You and your opinons will be valued in these fields.

Mostly "c" answers?
Food is an abstraction for you. You'll make an excellent product development scientist. Get thee to a laboratory!

Mostly "d" answers?
You were born to be a line cook. Move to a major metropolitan area, find yourself an u¨ber-picky chef and live on vitaminwater and adrenaline. Work hard, learn much, and we'll read all about you in Saveur ten to twenty years from now.

Mostly "e" answers?
You may be an alcoholic. You may also be a professional cook. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. Consider AA.

Mostly "f" answers?
Are you sure you like food? Have you considered a position in the front of the house?