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Gazpacho redemption

8.28.2004


Sadly, one of my favorite local joints recently charged me $6 for the pleasure of a cup and a half of poorly made gazpacho... gazpacho with far too much raw onion and nearly no spice or salt. It was flat. It needed a shot of acid. It came with a little sprinkle of chives, but no pita, no cracker, no toast tip. Alas!

Above you see the gazpacho I was hoping for. Nicely spiced, mouth-wateringly zesty, with rich tomato flavor and hints of celery, cucumber and fresh chiles. All it took was a quick trip to the farmers' market and a spin through the blender. Salt, pepper, a shot of cider vinegar. Adjust seasoning and add a couple slices of awesome garlic cheese bread on the side.

Heavenly. Inexpensive. Satisfying. A'la Scarlett O'Hara, I'm compelled to alert the world, "With God as my witness, I will never suffer substandard gazpacho again!"
 

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9/01/2004 posted by Katie

That picture is killing me. Mama needs some lunch!    



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On the joys of Legos and Sandwiches

8.27.2004


Joy! It's another wacky timewaster to provide lunchtime entertainment! I've made my own portrait as a celebration of a couple of my favorite things: beer and sandwiches.

Speaking of which, is there a more perfect food genre? Sandwiches, I mean. So versatile, so mobile, so tasty. There's few things I don't love more on a bun. Or a roll. Or toasted bread. For that matter, one might argue that pizza is simply an open-faced hot sandwich.

If we were to play the "what to bring when stranded on a desert island" game, there'd better be sandwiches, or I'm not going.

 

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10/26/2005 posted by Antwv

missginsu, You're the best!    



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FreshDirect vs. FreshDirect

8.26.2004
Okay... this is hilarious.

New York Magazine has a cute little chart in this latest issue comparing my employer to a local weed-by-bike delivery service.

FreshDirect (Marijuana Distribution Company) vs.FreshDirect (Organic Product Distributer)

 

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Best Thing Ever

8.24.2004
On first glance, of course, The Morning News is just another website. A website with lots of words and far too few amusing pictures.

On second glance, the reader finds something fairly hilarious on said website.

Third visit reveals important information. Curious reader asks herself how she's lived for so long while lacking these key insights.

Fourth visit seals the deal: This website is, hands down, one of the finest things ever created. A masterwork. A grail.

Convert created.
 

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hot lovin'

8.21.2004


Hot and cold and sweet all over. My precious. My love. The one that's never done me wrong. My hot fudge sundae.

HFS has been around (since 1906). He's been been there (born at C.C. Browns, a Hollywood Boulevard ice cream parlor on in Los Angeles); he's done that (Kellogg's introduced Hot Fudge Sundae Frozen Pop Tarts July 8... consider me extremely skeptical).

Make mine the classic. Dress him up with crushed nuts and hold the cherry, please.


 

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beyond the dreams of kings

8.19.2004


When you think of the myriad miseries that plagued even the wealthiest ancient people... fleas, poor medical care, malnutrition, rampant disease, lack of access to hot chocolate (except for those lucky Aztecs, of course)... I'm amazed (almost daily) at the wide range of wonders available to even those of modest modern means.

Take, then, as a very basic example, cable and takeout. These are conventional pleasures. Minor luxuries. But think for a moment — at my disposal, I can have foods from across the world delivered in under an hour. I flip on the telly and find hundreds of storytellers, scholars, fools, and athletes performing at my whim.

Don't even get me started on the common whimsy of cell phones, cable internet, public libraries, and discount airfare options.
 

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Damn fine tomato moments...

8.18.2004


Anything you're forced to eat over the sink or off the edge of the deck has got to be good eats.

Case in point: the Summer Tomato Sandwich.

My landlord leaves tomatoes and cucumbers on the ledge of my kitchen windowsill. These strange (but very welcome) offerings make their way into my meals in a whimsical, offhand fashion.

The Summer Tomato Sandwich is maybe the most simple, most beautiful of these celebratory dining moments.

1. Take one perfectly ripe garden-grown tomato.
2. Slice fresh-baked bread (my current favorite is the farmer's market garlic-cheese loaf).
3. Slather bread slices with a thin layer of mayonnaise for use as a flavor and moisture-barrier component.
4. Season tomato slices with salt and freshly-ground pepper. Place tomato slices atop slathered bread slices.
5. Close sandwich and eat immediately over the sink, astride the fire escape, or off the edge of the patio. Experience bliss.
6. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed.

 

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More inspiring candy moments...

8.16.2004
"Some acts come in a flash, and completely write themselves. I hardly have to think, its just obvious... 'The tootsie rolls come from my butt'"
-- Little Brooklyn, Burlesque Star
 

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lessons learned -- courtesy of bubblegum

8.14.2004
Bubblegum is a funny vice, isn't it? Like the others, it's no good for you in any way except the fun factor. It's widely available, inexpensive, and often not as good as you might hope.

But I've learned/re-learned a couple of things from bubblegum recently that I thought I'd share:



1. It's better to live up in here.
During my weekly commutes, I often smell the sewage treatment plant. Most days I smell car/truck exhaust.

On occasional, happy days, I smell a sweet, lightly flowery, slightly perfume-y scent. It's just like the smell of bubblegum. How wonderful, how whimsical, how Willy Wonka think of having a bubblegum factory in my dreary neighborhood! It lifted my mood and brought a grin to my face.

I recently happened to pass by the building I'd identified as the bubblegum factory. Sadly, that sweet exhaust isn't bubblegum at all. It's scented candles. My bubblegum factory is really a candle factory. Candles are far less magical. Bubble deflates. Joy decreases. It's better to imagine... better to live in my world than the real world.



2. Boys don't like girls with blue tongues.
Boys at parties may find you charming and witty, but that's all going to change the minute you pick up that blue raspberry Blow Pop. Blue tongue and mouth are pretty creepy. Kinda corpse-y. Not sexy at all. Green's not so great, either.

You'd be better off choosing the red one. Better yet, just sip your drink slowly and stay more sober than everyone else.

 

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Noooooo!

8.13.2004
Aw, man... why couldn't somebody stupid or mean die instead?

Rest in Peace, Julia
 

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Why does Bloomberg hate my bike?

8.10.2004


The New York Department of Transportation just posted signs on both of my neighborhood bridges that require me to "dismount and walk" my bike, in essence, doubling my commute and turning me into a pedestrian.

I'm a responsible bicyclist. You won't see me out there running down old ladies on my bike (well, not nice old ladies) and terrorizing rollerbladers.

In a ten-mile radius around my 'hood, I believe there's only one bike lane. It spans about a mile. There's bike lanes on the Williamsburg bridge, but they're covered in huge, nasty speedbumps that give you spinal compressions and make getting up that incline an exercise in anger management.

That bites. In a city as polluted and congested as this, wouldn't you think they'd encourage bicycles? Wouldn't you think they'd make it safer and easier for all the delivery drivers and little worker bees who -- compared to all those cars -- take up a tenth of the space and create none of the carbon monoxide?

No. They're sending city workers and the police force out to impound illegally parked bikes and erect bike restrictions rather than spending the same money to plan bike routes and set up sanctioned bike parking zones. How shameful! How short-sighted! How sad!

 

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8/11/2004 posted by Anonymous

A bike?! Get a car, loser! --Adam    



7/21/2005 posted by Anonymous

I just noticed that Anthony Weiner came out in support of New York bikers. Have you heard anything about the other candidates on this?    



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It's not working-class humiliation ... it's just theatre geeks

8.09.2004

PHOTO BY BILL KELLEY

Just in case y'all missed it on the SliceNYC site, or CityPages.com, I thought I'd bring to your attention the wacky folks of Galactic Pizza for whom dressing up in shiny tights and capes to deliver pizza is an art form to be exalted, rather than a humiliation to endure, as was my tenure as a See's Candies girl.

My pop, their letter carrier, wishes to highlight Galactic's enlightened decision to use environmentally-friendly electric delivery vehicles.
 

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8/25/2004 posted by Anonymous

Caitlin, Jennie and I decided to give the new underdogs of local pizza delivery a try, we all went down stairs to wait for a lovable freak in a full body suit and helmet to deliver our pie in one of the funny little cars we'd seen in the neighborhood. Pruscitto, mushrooms, basil + a goofy outfit sounded pretty damn good.

After about an hour we saw the 3 wheeler driving past my apartment. We waved our arms, but he kept going down the hill. After 20 min. we called and told the dispatcher who gave a stoner chuckle and said, "We dont have any way to get ahold of him." (Guess there's no room for cell phones in those tiny golf carts.)

We wait another 15 min while contemplating canceling the order. Then from way down the block we see a young white guy with dreads and a pizza bag jogging and checking addresses. Turns out his electric car couldn't make it back up the hill once he drove past us. This sight was almost funny enough to make up for the lackluster pie we received and paid 25 bucks for - but not quite. What sounded gourmet in the description had very few ingredients, and was overall pretty bland. The crust might have been okay, but I couldn't tell. The dominant flavor was disappointment. And they guy wasn't even wearing tights when he showed up. For now I'm forced to order pizza from the angry hippies who drive cars that run on gas and get their cheese from Sysco.

- Cory    



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She's an odd one, kids...

8.06.2004
Mother Nature's got one twisted sense of humor.

Case in point: flies spread disease, but maggots are the latest in FDA-approved medical technology.

See what I mean? She's a bit of a nutter.
 

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How to creatively disguise your alcohol issues...

8.04.2004


Knitted poodle gin cozies.

Weird, right? The thought of pickled old ladies knitting poodles to keep the liquor out of sight creeps me out in that "Arsenic and Old Lace" kind of way.

(The picture was stolen from a photo spread in a Hamptons rag. My apologies to the photog.)
 

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Ooo! Food + Radio + Free = Happy Me

8.03.2004
Oh joy! My favorite "yes, I'm a food dork" radio program is doing a live (free!) broadcast in NYC! This cosmic confluence of my nerdy obsessions is almost enough to make my brain explode into tiny little chunks of bliss...

The Splendid Table: Live Show
 

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The freaks! The filth! The food!

8.02.2004

Biggie, Totonno's and the Wonder Wheel all love Coney Island, too.

So, what's the deal with charging for beach access 'round these parts? This is a concept that, as a foreigner in these parts, seems strange to me.

Granted, it does cost something to comb the glass out of the sand and hire the lifeguards. Call me a socialist, but shouldn't beach care fall under the umbrella of some form of government, like for instance, libraries? Like schools? Like health care... oh, not that... I mean... like road maintenance?

Free access to sand and sky and sea. Just one more reason why I love Coney Island.

What are the others? The people watching. Sitting on the boardwalk/beach at Coney is like cruising the aisles at Walmart. The beautiful, the homely, the freaky, the funky. They're all there, walking that boardwalk where the fabulous and frightening have been walking for hundreds of years.

The junkfood. The freakshow. The murals. The mermaids. The burlesque dancers. The wooden roller coaster. The weak beer. The people fishing for crabs off the dock with chunks of raw chicken. The pileup of sand in my belly button. The craziest, scariest carousel I've ever been on. I could go on. I won't. It's trashy. It's edgy. It's wacky. And for the cost of a subway ride, it's mine, all mine.



 

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August: Best eatin' month out there.

8.01.2004

Sugar plums & fresh garlic-cheese loaves at the Greenpoint Farmer's Market

In a culinary sense, there's a lot to be said for spring -- all the fresh new greens, zippy young ramps, asparagus sprouts, tangy rhubarb stalks, earthy morels, and a preponderance of peapods.

Fall also has its high points. I can't deny the appeal the apple season, the rich butternut squashes, the cool autumn mushrooms, fresh cranberry chutneys, and sweet potato pie.

But for variety and straight-from-the-farmer's-market freshness, you really can't beat late July through early September.

Fresh beets, candy-sweet corn, five types of plums, six kinds of tomatoes, new potatoes, dill, basil, thyme, parsley, sage, all manner of greens, sweet little carrots, summer squashes, and peaches so juicy, tender, sweet and succulent they drip tangy sticky juice across your face and down your elbow.

There's too much to list. Too much to try. Too little time to enjoy it all. Ah! My dear, sweet August. What a luscious dilemma you create!

 

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