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The Foodie's Apocalypse Kit

With pandemic paranoia pulsing in the press, the time seems ripe to discuss one of the treasures reaped from a recent bookshop foray: How to Develop a Low-Cost Family Food-Storage System by Anita Evangelista.

Sounds dull, right? The low-budget 1940s-era clip art on the cover might not convince you to give it whirl, either. But just wait until you find out what's on page two: Eleven Reasons to Store Food.

1. Severe seasonal weather, with road closures, power outages, and supermarkets depleted by panic buyers.
2. Natural disasters such as earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes, volcanoes, or tornadoes, with supermarkets unable to restock shelves.
3. Ecological disasters, such as the Three Mile Island nuclear facility's failure, and the contamination of foods.
4. The possibility of nuclear holocaust with all food deliveries suspended.
5. Tainted foodstuffs, either by purposeful maniacs (as in the "pain-killer poisonings") or improper processing (as in the glass fragments found in baby foods or the salmonella bacteria in dairy foods.
6. Riots, civil insurrection, collapse of local or regional governing bodies, gang warfare, looting, racial incidents; inability to shop at all.
7. Long-term illness.
8. Loss of employment and inability to secure a new job.
9. Strikes, either by truckers, food processors, food pickers or supermarket employees.
10. Destruction of standing food crops in farmers' fields, either willfully or by natural calamities.
11. Collapse of the currency system, and inability to purchase needed goods.

Wow! Choose your poison — that's enough paranoia for everyone!

Evangelista tours readers through the various practical traditional and non-traditional food acquisition systems (shopping, gardening, foraging, gleaning, etc.) and food preservation methods before pulling out the really fun stuff in Chapter Five: Where Do I Put It?

I was particularly interested in this section, thanks to my teensy New York apartment. What's a budding packrat to do, given a cramped kitchen and no closet space?

The easy answer? Five gallon plastic buckets. The path of dedication? Camouflage your booty by opening up the walls, installing interior shelving, replacing the wall and slapping on patch and paint 'til the evidence is invisible.

I know... you're saying to yourself, "I hate making trips to Home Depot. Why would I bother with all that?"

Ask anyone who's ever worked as a waiter or waitress whether they've found people to be on their best behavior when they're hungry. Now imagine a city full of cranky, hungry people. Now imagine a bunch of cranky, hungry neighbors busting into your nest and rooting for your neatly stored cans of black beans and your tasty treasure trove of apple sauce and your shiny silver cans of Le Sueur Baby Peas.

Good thing you plastered those cases of SPAM and light-syrup pineapple rings into your wall, right? Trust me... You'll thank Anita Evangelista later.

In all seriousness, there really is a chance that avian flu could wreak havoc (it happened in 1918), in which case it's good to have extra water and canned goods stuffed into your limited closets. Here's the Flu Wiki and advice from the Red Cross on all the stuff you should already have on hand anyway.

In addition to a solid first aid kit, a lot of water and all the items from FEMA's boring list of staples, from my personal apocalypse kit, I can recommend:

  • Tasty Bite Dinners.
    Indian and Thai curries! Far more flavorful than the standard shelf-stable MREs.

  • Amy's Kitchen organic soups.
    Soup is good food.

  • Desert Pepper Black Bean Dip.
    Because I'm an addict, okay?

  • Frontera Chipotle Salsa.
    This stuff could make cardboard taste good, and if I'm reduced to roasting rats, I want something nice to dip them in.

  • Jacques Torres Wicked Hot Chocolate Mix.
    It's yummy, and disasters are always short on yummy.

  • Orange-blossom honey and fruit jams from Sarabeth's (or homemade).
    Delightful with Carr's water crackers

  • Sardines in Hot Sauce or Mustard (Bumblebee sardines are good).
    Mmm... Sardines. I eat these even when I have fresh food around.

  • Muir Glen Crushed Tomatoes.
    So versatile, so delicious. And the cans are lined, so they don't have that awful "can" flavor.

  • Jars of spicy Spanish olives, oil-packed Italian tuna and jars of roasted red peppers.
    I reckon this'll make for good post-apocalyptic tapas.

  • Praline spread from Le Pain Quotidien.
    Again, seriously delicious. And yes, this stuff would make even my homemade hardtack edible.

  • Quality tea and coffee in factory-sealed containers.
    Lack of caffeine is a disaster unto itself.

  • Aseptic packs of Parmalat milk, Ceres fruit juices and Silk chocolate soy milk.
    Open a fresh container after the spare daily ration of rice and water grows tiresome.

  • Bottles of vodka and bourbon (or your favorite hard liquor).
    Barter with the neighbors for some of their Slim Jims. Disinfect a wound. Preserve fruit. Or just have a consolation drink. Liquor is endlessly useful in hard times.

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Blogger Floh said...

Super stuff!

i seriously investigated MRE's aftr the New Orleans debacle.

then i forgot about my yearning to stock up, but your blog has given me renewed hope tht the future may not be so bleak if i follow your advice.

bird flu a dismal happening here in Europe. :(


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