Brillat-Savarin: Not exactly crack, but it's close

MissGinsu closes the door, hangs her parka and shivers off the chill. Roomie looks up from the couch. She's wearing pink striped pajamas and a guilty pout.

MissGinsu: Hey, girl.

Roomie: I ate your cheese.

MissGinsu: That's fine.

Roomie: No, I mean, I really ate your cheese. I ate the sh*t out of your cheese. I ate the whole thing.

MissGinsu: (pause) You ate the whole thing?

Roomie: I'll buy some more.

MissGinsu: You ate the whole thing?

Roomie: Look, I'm sorry. It was so good. I just wanted a bite, but then it was so delicious I couldn't stop myself.

MissGinsu: It's okay. You must have been protein deprived.

Roomie: No, seriously... I'm going to the cheese shop now. Do you want anything else while I'm there?

MissGinsu: No, don't. I'll be fine. I had cheese this afternoon. You don't have to go.

Roomie: I'm going out anyway. I'll just stop on my way.

MissGinsu: You're not going out. You're in pajamas.

Roomie No, really. I'm going out with Julie. I'll stop at the cheese shop.

MissGinsu: Do you remember the name?

Roomie: Of course I remember the name.

***
The next evening...
***

MissGinsu unwraps a paper package marked "Brillat-Savarin." The cheese is pale, milky white and covered in a downy silver-gray rind.

A vague recollection of its creamy visage behind the cheese-shop glass returns to her mind. "We only sell it in whole wheels and quarter-wheels," the young man said, pressing the label onto the paper wrapping.

She spreads a sample across her butter knife. Smooth. A triple-cream, no doubt. Sweet like cow's milk. The flavor — a little mushroomy, a little salty, a little tangy and sooo smoooove. Smoove like the P-Funk. Daaaaamn.

A scramble in the cupboard for the dried figs ensues. Miss G curses the figs for being in the desk drawer at work. "Stupid figs!" She snatches the golden raisins and sprinkles them on the cheese. She grabs the toasted almonds and dips them in the cheese. She plucks out a slice of candied ginger and dredges it through the cheese.

Roomie enters the kitchen mid-frenzy and leans, coolly against the wall.

Roomie: Tried the cheese, huh?

MissGinsu looks down at the mangled rind on the counter.

Roomie: Told ya so.