Pickle Confessional

A'la Minnesota State Fair, 2004

I'm an unabashed pickle junkie. From wild kimchi frenzies to Patak's spicy lime pickle kicks to the tiny little cornichons I eat by the quart, I'm a bit surprised my blood tests don't come back with elevated levels of brine.

Not a fan of the New York-style half-sour, I need 'em full-flavored, fully brined and boldly spiced, thanks.

My favorite pickles (aside from mom's, of course) are the ones Chef Floyd Cardoz makes, with anything from lotus roots, to spring ramps, green mangoes or watermelon rinds. If it can be pickled or chutneyed, the man can make it delicious... although he doesn't market them, dammit, so I either have to reproduce his recipes myself, or spend half my wages at Tabla.

Also worthy of note are the Gedney State Fair pickles, which come in all kinds of yummy, limited-edition varieties and feature the actual stories and photographs of the actual State Fair winners. I picked up a jar of Jack&Jill's Baby Dills last year. On the label I found a heartwarming description of the family prepping cucumbers for pickling in their household washing machine.

Ah, and I could rattle on for a dog's age about the pickle's role in family bonding, kitchen economy, cultural and historical significance, and health, but instead, I'll just provide you with a quickie review of several Rick's Picks (as in, pickles, in case you didn't see the NY Times article), in order of my love:

1. GT 1000s. Bold, zippy, seasoned green tomato slices. Hell, yeah. Me likey.
2. Mean Beans. I could eat the whole jar at one go. Where's my bloody mary? (BTW, avoid the Tillen Farms brand beans that promise to be hot&spicy and lame out. Their carrots are attractive and nicely crunchy, however.)
3. Phat Beets. Nice, but the vinegar's a bit strong on this one.
4. Bee 'n' Bees. Again, the balance seems thrown off by a heavy handed dose of vinegar.
5. Windy City Wasabeans. A pretty perfume, but I expected a bit more bang from the wasabi. They're kind of a flavor letdown. Possibly meant for those of delecate palate?
6. Spears of Influence. Nice start, but they quickly make like the Titanic — going down in a weak and watery finish.
7. Slices of Life. I'm glad these slices don't represent my life. That would be a sad, insipid life, indeed.

Sadly, I didn't have the chance to try the Santasias, Pepi-Pep Peps or Kool Gherks, but I'm a big fan of pickled red onions, and I'm betting the Santasias (red onion pickles) would make a wicked add-in for in a tuna salad sandwich.