worst-pretzel-ever

It was hotter than Arrakis and six times as humid in Manhattan yesterday.

What's a sweaty girl to do? The only reasonable option was to scurry off to the air-conditioned megaplex and see Spiderman2. And Dodgeball. And Shrek2.(Okay, so we only actually paid to see Spiderman2, but we bought concessions, and the other two films were far from capacity, so no real sin committed, right?)

Here's the lowdown: Spiderman2. Fantastic. Loved it. Heard some griping that there wasn't enough action. Tough shit. You want action, go see Riddick. The Aunt May thing was a bit drawn out, but the jokes scored, the rise and fall and rise again of the comic book... uh... I mean graphic novel superhero was there, and you got the payoff you were looking for at the end.

Dodgeball. Much like a game of dodgeball, if you keep throwing 'em out there, eventually one or two will hit. Sometimes I laughed. A lot of times I didn't. It's of the Zoolander ilk, and if you're into Stiller, you'll be pleased. Vince Vaughn was a real yawn, but a series of quality cameos at the end made me a happy girl. You gotta love the Shatner, man.

Shrek2. Did you like Shrek? Okay then. That one's Disney jokes. This one's Hollywood jokes. Same diff. You like one, you like 'em both. 'Nuff said.

The movies? Quality junkfood all. But the actual junkfood? Well, I write to you, dear reader, with a heavy heart. Damn the soft pretzels! $3.50 is what I'm shelling out for a pretzel that tastes like caulk. Jesus!

There's what, six to twelve pretzel chains across the malls of America that day after day put out quality junkfood? These places are not new. They've had those lightly buttery-crunchy on the outside, soft, chewy -- but not doughy -- in the center carbo-treats perfected for decades. All those years of junkfood expertise, and I can't get something of that quality at the movies? The technology for soft pretzels is out there, people. What I ate was the fruit of laziness. For shame.